Alpha Alec's Redemption by Kathy M

| Chapter 0191 Alec I'm still rooted to my spot as Sadie's words continue playing through my mind like a broken record.

I want to ask if I am that terrible. So terrible that she would wish I were dead. I can't, though, because I know that I was a monster to her. Worse than a monster, actually. "Alec," I hear Piper's soft, broken voice calling my name, but I don't turn towards her.

My eyes and focus are on Sadie's retreating back. Shoulder straight and head held up high, she doesn't give us another glance. It's like we are nothing but dust at her feet.

She disappears from my sight and I rub the area around my chest. I feel like I've just taken a huge blow to the chest. It aches and there is no way to alleviate the pain sitting there. "Alec" Piper callsonce again and this tI turn towards her.

Tears are still falling down her face and the pain she's feeling is clear in her eyes. She has one hand around her neck and the other around her waist. She has folded into herself, almost as if she were trying to ward off her pain and the impact of Sadie's words. I take a deep breath just as she says, "She hates me." "You are not the only one she hates, Piper. She hates the entire pack and hatesmore than she hates anyone else." The words are like a burden. Weighing down on me. Compressing my lungs until I can barely breathe. I want the damn heaviness to go away. I want the pain to disappear. I just want to go back to times when I didn't feel so empty. So stripped of who I am.

Is this how she felt? Every tI cursed her in that fucking dungeon. Every tI told her, I hated her. Every tI wished she had died with her parents. Is this how she felt? Broken? Empty? Lost? I had naively thought that nothing could compare to the pain I went through when Lola rejected me, but I was wrong. So fucking wrong.

Sadie rejectingand showing her hate towardsmakesfeel like my heart and soul have been put through a mincer. As if they have been shredded into nothing but ground meat. It feels like I have been stripped of everything that makesand have been left with nothing.

I begin walking, but each step feels like it's filled with lead. Right now, I just want to be alone. I want to wallow in my misery and lick my wounds. I know that I vowed to fight for her, but after her words moments ago, I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to change her opinion of me.

Sadie loved me. Talking to Piper three years ago maderealize that Sadie actually loved me. It wasn't just a silly crush or an unhealthy obsession. She genuinely loved me.

Back then, I had mocked her love. I was disgusted by it and by her. I remember thinking, Who the hell would ever want to be loved by someone as vicious and black-hearted as Sadie? Now I crave the slove I had once mocked and hated. Now, I wish I could turn things around and have her love me. Now, I wish Sadie could look atwith warmth and love.

"Where are you going?" Piper asks, following behind me.

"To my office," my answer is direct and straight to the point.

"Can I come? I think you are the only one who understands how I feel." I love my sister, but right now I am fighting the urge to lash out at her. I clamp my jaw shut in an effort to stop myself from yelling at her.

I want to blher for this cluster fuck, but I can't. She toldwhat she observed with Sadie; as for everything else, I am the one that twisted it into something dark. I'm the one that chose not to investigate things. I am the one who chose to believe she was guilty without any real proof.

I guess it was easier that way. It was easier to believe that she was the culprit. I wanted someone to bland Sadie was the easiest target didn't want to face the role I played that night. Sadie didn't fuck herself. I did may not remember everything that happened, but I was in that bed with her. I took her virginity.

Like I said, I didn't want to face what I had done, so I chose the coward's way out and put all the blon Sadie. Isn't it just funny? It's like deep down Sadie knew that the goddess paired us together. She felt and saw something that I was blind to.

Something that I refused to accepet because she wasn't my type.

Because she wasn't traditionally what a Luna should be. It is messed up how little I thought of her. It's messed up how easily I judged her because she didn't try to fit into the beauty standards I was looking for.

I push the door to my office open and cross to my desk. I drop to my chair with my head in my hands. I try to swallow the panic that was slowly building inside me, but it refuses to be cast away.

Sadie seems to have made up her mind about me. She doesn't want me, and she wants the bond between us gone. Fuck! She thinks want her for what she can do for my pack, but it's the complete opposite. She's my mate and the mother of my daughter. I want her in my fucking life. I want a chance to get to know her. I don't want to lose her or Aspen.

"What are we going to do? She hates us, Alec." Piper takes a seat on the Not my other side of my desk and looks up atlike I have all the answers in the world. Swiveling in my chair, I turn to face the huge windows behind me. "I don't know," I finally answer after stime, feeling drained.

I watch as my pack members go about their day, my mind completely lost in thoughts of Sadie and Aspen.

"We have to do something," she whimpers. "We have to get her to forgive us."

I hear the catch in her voice and I just know that she's still crying. I wantto be there for her Comfort her like I'm used to doing, but I can't master the energy. "Can you just leavealone for a while?" I ask without turning to face her. "I need to think." She's quiet for a while before a soft "Okay" leaves her lips.

I continue facing the window even after hearing the door open and shut. Taking a full swing of air, I turn towards my empty office.

"We can't give up," Knox mutters, his voice void of his usual confidence.

Sighing, I lean my head against the headrest. "I know."

And I did know that. I fully understood that we can't give up, but for now just needed a break to wallow in my misery and beat myself up for being a complete idiot