NovelOnlineJ Chapter 0445 Ava. ~= I'sat at my dressing table staring blankly at the mirror while I brushed my hair. It was around nine in the evening and my head was a mess.
When I went for my therapy session today, I never expected to bump into Emma. Hell, I never expected to offer to wait for her, then invite her for ice cream, and then go ahead, and spend hours just talking with her.
She told me it was her first therapy session and I just felt the need to be there for her. I know how hard my session was for me. The fear and anxiety. The panic and pressure. I went alone, and I almost gave myself a heart attack with how anxious and nervous I got.
When I got out of that session, I felt ripped open. Like my wounds had been
Follow on NovᴇlEnglish.nᴇtscrubbed raw. I had done nothing to heal them. Instead, I just covered them and buried my head in the sand. Band-aids can’t fix bullet holes, and that’s exactly what I tried to do.
I was mess. I felt exposed. I felt drained. I felt like a gaping hole was where my chest should be, and my bleeding heart could be seen. | Letty was on a business trip that time and there wasn’t anyone I could call to comfort me. So, when I got out and saw that ice cream shop, that’s where I went to collect myself.
For some weird reason, I didn’t want that for Emma. I didn’t want to see her all alone and broken. I didn’t want to leave her, knowing how brutal the first session could be. That’s why I offered to stay and wait for her. I didn’t think she’d take my offer and I was surprised when she did.
She came out of that office, wide eyed with dried mascara smudged on her face.
She looked like she'd been through hell and back. Just like I'd predicted, that first session had been brutal.
She also looked confused, and I know why. Emma isn’t one to share her feelings. We were similar in that manner.
None of us liked sharing. We liked burying that pain and pretending we were okay.
I had that same reaction after I realized that Mia had easily gotten me to open up.
I didn’t understand how she did. If I believed in magic, then I would think she cast a spell or something.
When we sat down at the ice cream shop and I saw the pain she was hiding, I couldn’t help but apologize. I still feel like everything that happened was my fault.
Follow on Novᴇl-Onlinᴇ.cᴏmMaybe if I hadn’t been so obsessed with Rowan, things would have turned out okay for everyone.
I love Rowan. I fucking do. I just can’t help but wonder if things would have
been better if I'd let go. None of us would have gone through the years of pain that | we had. Calvin, Emma and Gunner are still suffering. They're still in pain. If Id let go earlier, maybe they wouldn't be where they were right now.
And maybe they would have still ended . . | up where they are. That tiny voice 4 | whispers.
When I apologized to Emma, I meant every word I said. So many times, I wish I could go back in time and change things, but that night would mean erasing Noah and Iris from existence.
“Ava?” I'm startled when a hand lands on my shoulder. I look up to find Rowan staring at me with worry in his grey eyes.
“You startled me. When did you get back?” I ask, putting my hand brush down before standing up and facing him.
“I’m sorry. I've been calling you name for almost five minutes.” I hug him and peck his cheek, before going to sit on the bed. “I was just lost in thought.”
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