99. Figuring it out
My head was going to blow up and leave pieces of meat scattered all over my living room.
I haven’t
had a moment of peace at all.
Thoughts keep running through my head. Never stopping. Never ceasing. It was driving
me
insane, for heaven’s sake.
“Okay, now I want you to focus on the key and the insects we are studying,” I tell Mary,
one of the students I tutor. “If you want to master the dichotomous key, you have to focus
on those two.”
I’d hoped that this would distract me from my thoughts, but I was damn wrong. My head
kept
straying every single damn time.
Mary nods her head, giving me the signal that she has understood.
“The first character has large wings and has small or no wings… What do you think the
answer is?”
She studies the insects in the book before turning to me. At first, she seems unsure, but
finally
she opens her mouth and speaks.
“Only one insect has large wings in this list, so the butterfly will go under that category”
I smile at her, glad that she got it. “Good. So since it’s the only one with large wings, the
rest will
fall under the small or no wings. Given that this is like a game of elimination and they’re a
lot, we
will subdivide them into categories. So what do you think the next two categories will be
according to the insects we have?”
Her eyes go back to the book. She doesn’t say anything for a while, but she keeps
throwing me
glances as if she’s nervous.
“Don’t worry, Mary, just take your time,” I tell her softly.
I believe the key to being a good teacher is having patience. Understanding that not all
students
will get it on the first try. There are just some that are a bit slower than others, and that is
absolutely okay.
“I don’t know if I am right,” she begins.
“And that’s okay. If you’re not we’ll find out where you went wrong”
She nods her head. “Long rear legs or short rear legs”
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“Good, that is excellent. So which will go to which?”
I see the moment her confidence comes back, and I smile.
“With very long legs, the category will end with mosquitoes, while for short rear legs, I’ll
divide
the category into another two parts. Small eyes and large eyes”
I clap my hand in glee, just to make her feel appreciate. After all, everyone deserves
praise when
they have accomplished something.
“Very good”
“Thank you,” she says, her smile shining as bright as the sun.
After that, the rest is easy for her. I give her exercises, and she excels in all of them. After
our
session, I give her an assignment to do at home.
“Thank you, Ava” she says at the door. “You make Biology easy to understand.”
“Anytime dear”
After she leaves, I head to the living room and drop down on the couch like a sack of
potatoes. My
mind was still wired and I wanted a distraction, I just couldn’t think of anything.
Noah was at Gunner’s house so I was alone for now.
Rubbing my belly, I try to come up with something to do. The issue about Gunner’s mother
still
bothered me. That, along with what Calvin told Rowan. There was just something about
everything that niggled in my mind.
I stand up and go to my room to change. I put on some old clothes then head out to the
backyard.
Maybe gardening will tak nind of the thoughts in my head.
I get down on my knees after getting some seeds from the shed. Today I plan to plant
some carrots
and tomatoes.
“You seem lost.” His voice pulls me away from my task.
I look up to see Calvin standing right in front of me. I don’t know for how long I was
gardening, but
I had been so lost that I hadn’t heard him when he arrived.
“Yeah…I just have a lot on my mind. I’d hoped this would help,” I tell him while wiping
some of the
dirt from my clothes.
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“Anything I can help you figure out?”
“I don’t think so
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He was always tight–lipped about the mother of his son. I didn’t know anything Were they
married, then divorced? Were they just in a relationship? How long have they known each
other?
I doubt he will ever willingly give me the information I need to piece things together.
Besides, I
didn’t want to cause him hurt. It looks like every time I mention her, either he gets really
pissed or
really angry.
“That’s okay… I get it. A lot of the time, I prefer processing things on my own,” he pauses.
“But that
doesn’t mean that I can’t help you with this,” he points at the small garden.
“Thank you,” I smile while he gets down on his knees.
I hand him a pair of gloves, and he follows my lead.
“What are the boys doing?” I ask.
“Playing video games… It honestly surprises me how close they’ve become. They’re
basically
inseparable. I never even imagined this scenario in my wildest dreams, given how much I
hate
Noah’s father”
I frown at that. He can’t even bring himself to say his name. Why?
“Why do you hate him so much? Whatever happened between you two was years ago.
Shouldn’t
you have been able to get over it by now?” I ask him, referring to how he had a crush on
Emma
back in high school.
He had been obsessed, just
1. me. While my obsession had been for Rowan, his had been for
Emma. Just like Rowan sal, he had followed Emma around like a lost puppy. He would write
her
love letters. Buy her flowers and leave them in her locker. He would also buy her gifts. He
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went above and beyond and that used to piss Rowan off to no end.
“It’s nothing,” he answers, but I know that he’s lying to me. There was something he
wasn’t telling
1. me.
I choose to leave it at that instead of pushing it.
“Regardless, you have to set your differences aside. Our sons are best friends, so you’ll
have to see
him once in a while and you can’t go picking a fight with him every time.”
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I make a mental note to have the same talk with Rowan They both need to start acting like
adults
Think about what Gunner needs. This isn’t about you or what went down between you and
Rowan. This is about Gunner and Noah,” I add when he doesn’t say anything.
Thinking about Gunner brings a mental picture to mind. I try to push it, but to no avail. It
stays there as my mind sifts through smile after smile from my memories. It finally pauses
on a smile, A smile very similar to Gunner’s.
I freeze. My bones locked tight. My heart beating wildly. It can’t be. It just can’t be. She
would have said something. She would have told her family. I try to deny it, but the proof
is there.
“Ava?” he calls my name, but it’s like I am in a trance.
It was no wonder his smile was so familiar. No wonder it bothered me so much. His smile
was
similar to hers when she was a little girl. They were identical.
“Emma,” her name slips from my lips, as if it was forced out.
I feel it as Calvin stills next to me. If my memory didn’t convince me, then the way his
body locked, did.
“I need to go.” I mumble, struggling to stand up.
Finally, I manage to get up. His hand on my arm stops me. I face him. He must have seen
something in my eyes. I’m not sure, and right now, I don’t care.
“You know,” he whispers. “You’ve figured out the truth.”
I nod my head as tears
my hands from his. I w.
oud my eyes. Without a word, knowing he will take care of Noah, I pull
back into my house and get my car keys before leaving.
I can’t believe this. Not her.
I needed answers because the Emma I knew would never abandon her child. She would
never be so cruel to her own flesh and blood.