Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World-Novel



Chapter 126 – Florida Man Abducts Children Home, Discovers They Are Adult Cosplayers

Esen was the empress of an ancient civilization, the Molg Empire. She was once the lich empress, who ruled over a million vampires, death knights, and arch liches, aka the country's only population.

5,000 years ago, Esen and her undead empire governed the main continent of this planet. She coexisted along with the local creatures as she kept the undead population minimum. Because of her policies and laws, her people learned to be kind and gentle to living creatures.

The undead empire operated like a church to the local creatures as they taught them the way of life. They preached about peace and the afterlife.

Usually, they chose well-behaved animals and beasts to resurrect as undead. Then, they trained the chosen ones until they evolved into liches, vampires, or death knights. As for the disqualified ones, their bodies returned to the soil.

In short, the Molg Empire was full of pacifists. They were harmless to the living.

Everything was peaceful and tranquil until immortals from another world invaded them. Millions of cultivators accused them of being heretics and they needed to be subjugated. Then, war broke out.

The war didn't last long. As the pacifist undead creatures never fought in such a war, they were annihilated within a month. Esen's empire vanished from history.

However, not everybody was weak. The empress of the Molg Empire, Esen, led her remaining army to fight back. She managed to slaughter and enslaved 100,000 immortals during the counter-siege. During the war, she proved that she was stronger than average immortals from the otherworld.

Unfortunately, cultivators were good at adapting and flexibility. They soon trapped her with their tricky arrays. As they weren't strong enough to kill her, they chose to seal her and left her to rot in an underground dungeon.

Time passed. The legend of the invasion was forgotten through time. However, Esen and other survivors were still stuck in their prison.

One day, people from the Yan and the Situ Clan found the underground ruin. They soon explored the area and found the entrance to Esen's prison.

However, the seal arrays of the immortals in the past were too complicated for the cultists. None of them could enter or journey beyond the doors and the rooms, full of purple pillars and beams. Thus, they left the places alone.

Then, Leo came along.

.

.

Esen, the Lich Empress, stared at Leo with a deep frown. She was once the strongest undead immortal that vanquished 100,000 immortal cultivators from the other worlds, but she couldn't even leave a scratch on Leo's skin.

"You're weird." Esen clicked her tongue.

Leo rolled his eyes and walked around the mansion. He continued picking the dimmed talismans around the building. He also thought to himself.

'What the hell does this zombie want?! I'm fine if she bites me, but she keeps getting on my nerve. Man, I hate dealing with children, especially zombie children.'

Leo already accepted the fact that he had freed a freaky zombie kid. Thus, he maintained his composure throughout the interaction. As Leo wanted to chase the lich girl away, he complained.

"Whatever. Now that I've freed you, you're free to go. Go home already."

"That mansion is my home. You're the one intruding."

"Then, get the hell down from my back, kid. Why are you still clinging to me and scratching my neck? I'm not interested in kids and weird fetishes."

"…"

Esen was offended. Still, realizing how Leo never tried to harm her, she let go of him and stood behind him.

Esen thought, 'This man is too strange. He has an air of an immortal, but he is not. He is definitely stronger than regular immortal cultivators, though. Isn't he on the same side as those raiders?'

Although Esen was grateful that Leo had freed her, she didn't let her guard down. She slowly climbed down from Leo's back while she maintained her fighting stance, getting ready to fight to the death.

Betraying Esen's expectation, Leo turned around and gave her a meaningful look. Upon gazing at the girl up close, he got to see her true appearance.

From Leo's perspective, Esen looked like the corpse of a six or seven years old girl. She had no eyeballs, and her dry skinny limbs were already dark. Most of her long hair already fell off, revealing her scalp and skin on her head.

Leo pursed his lips. Although it was his first time seeing a talking zombie, he was amused. His mood also got better, and he teased her.

"I see. That explains a lot. Now, I understand why you tried to bite me. Anyway, kid. Are you thirsty or hungry? Do you need food?"

"I'm not a kid," Esen was annoyed. In anger, she revealed her secret to winning the argument, "I've been living for over 10,000 years! I'm older than your grandmother!"

Leo rolled his eyes. His immature side also wanted to win the argument, "As I said. You're still a kid to me. I'm already 50,038 this year if you wanna know. I'm five times older than you!"

Like bantering children, the duo yelled at each other for a minute before they stopped because of their exhaustion. 

In the end, Esen didn't believe him. She kicked Leo's shin in anger.

CRACK

Instead of breaking Leo's leg, Esen's leg was broken in half.

"…"

Esen felt no pain. She looked at her broken leg for a moment and clapped her hands.

CRACK

Random bones from the other room flew toward the mansion. They gathered behind Esen, piling into a big mountain.

Esen turned around and picked a random skull of a vampire. The white skull melted upon touch and merged with Esen's boney body.

After absorbing the mass, Esen's broken bones were instantly repaired. Though she was still lanky and skinny.

When her leg was in good condition, Esen turned to Leo. She shamelessly demanded him and opened her palm.

"I'm hungry. Give me something to eat."

Leo shrugged. Esen's behavior might be rude and immature, but Leo didn't mind it. After all, he couldn't get mad at a child.

'A kid is always a kid. I shouldn't behave like a Karen. I'm a mature and responsible adult!' Leo thought to himself. Then, he asked her.

"What do you prefer? Fresh meat, blood, or brains?"

"Are you an idiot?!" Esen grumbled, "I only eat vegetables! We, the proud Molg Liches, never eat meat! We only eat leaves and vegetables!"

"A vegan zombie, I see. How peculiar."

"I'm a lich, not a zombie!!"

Again, Esen wanted to beat Leo to a pulp, but she was helpless against this monster. Shouting and yelling at his face was the only thing she could do to quell her anger.

Leo sighed and searched his rings, checking if he had anything edible. He pulled out a mutated dragon fruit tree from his ring.

As the tree already produced dragon fruits, Leo picked a few and gave them to Esen.

"Can you eat these?"

Esen frowned and stared at the black fruits. She flipped it around for a moment before she noticed something odd.

"Yin fruit?! W-Where did you get these?!"

"Obviously, I grow them."

"…"

Esen gave Leo a meaningful look before she started nom-noming the fruits in her hands. She quickly devoured everything in seconds, not leaving the seeds behind.

After consuming the fruit, her hair and her eyeballs regenerated. Her coarse and dry white hair turned gold, and her dark skin whitened. Still, Esen needed to increase her body mass.

"More."

Leo shrugged. He loved feeding kids and homeless people, "Sure, your majesty. Man, looking at you reminds me of the old days. I wish I could make a YouTube channel to compete with Mr. Beast. My channel name would have been Mr. Florida Man. That would have been fun."

"???"

Again, Esen didn't understand Leo's mumbling. She snatched dragon fruits from Leo's hands and continued eating them.

As soon as Esen finished eating the 20th fruit, she was full. Her stomach was slightly bloated, and she burped.

"How unladylike," Leo chuckled.

"This empress does whatever she wants!"

"Sure. Sure."

Leo stopped entertaining her. He continued exploring the exterior of the mansion, picking the remaining talismans in the area. As for Esen, she followed Leo around, observing his actions.

Walking around the mansion in a circle, Leo secured a total of 666 silver talismans. He stuffed them in his spatial ring and turned to leave.

Before Leo left the mansion's garden, he waved his hand at Esen.

"Take care of yourself. I'm leaving."

"…"

Esen flinched. She opened her mouth and raised a finger for a moment. However, she changed her mind.

The next moment, Esen vanished as if she teleported. Afterimages appeared inside the mansion as if she searched for something inside. Five seconds later, Esen appeared in front of Leo, bringing seven knight helmets, five tailcoat robes, and three black gowns along with her.

Esen then shoved everything to Leo.

"Store these in your magic ring. Take those along."

Leo frowned and looked at the stuff, "What are these?"

"My subordinates."

"Your… what?"

"I'll resurrect them later. They have been sealed for so long that their souls are hibernating. Until I regain my power, keep them with you."

Leo crossed his arms. Although he cared for children, he didn't like being pushed around.

"What's in it for me? Why should I bring them along?"

Esen took a long pause. She flustered, looking left and right as if she hesitated on something. Then, she made her decision.

Since her empire was already ruined and Leo helped her, Esen tried to seduce him.

"I'll teach you the power of necromancy! You can become an immortal like me and live forever!"

"No, thank you."

"WHAT?!"

"I'd rather keep my flesh and blood. Also, I don't like living inside a rotting body. My current body looks more aesthetic than those of a zombie."

"…"

Even though Leo said that he cooperated with Esen, taking the clothes and the skulls into his spatial ring.

"By the way, empress. If you want to repay me, you can do something else in return."

"What?" Esen was curious why Leo would want her help, judging from his demeanor and attitude toward her.

Leo might be silly and crazy most of the time. However, when it came to dealing with kids, his brain functioned normally like human beings. He had an idea of how he could exploit the self-proclaim empress.

'Well, since you keep saying 'empress-this', 'empress-that', why don't I put you to work? I already have a bunch of unicorns and mannequins at home. Why don't I bring in some zombies to work for me? They're free laborers!'

Leo rubbed his hands and grinned.

"Instead of teaching me necromancy and evil magic, how about you use those magic for me? You see, I happen to run a shop, and I need a lot of employees, security guards, and stable caretakers. Are you interested, kid?"

Esen pondered for a moment before she sneaked a glance at the mutated dragon fruit tree. She pointed at the tree.

"If I help you, will you give me more of those?"

"Sure."

"Then, can you help me resurrect my subordinates?"

"If I can…"

"Then, that's a deal! I'll help you watch over your shop, and you will help me restore my Molg Empire!"

"Molg what?"

Leo scratched his head. He had a feeling that he was missing something. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Esen latched on Leo's back and sat on his shoulder. Then, she pointed forward.

"Let's go, Florida Man! To your domain!"

"…"