SSS-Class Suicide Hunter

4.

[‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin’ makes a proposal to you.]

The Constellation spoke to me, meanwhile also sharing the events that had unfolded behind the scenes.

What events, you ask? The judge, who might still be observing from the 70th floor lobby right now, regarding the Count.

The circumstances shared by the Constellation were quite astonishing.

[‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin’ earnestly requests you and your judge to somewhat agree to the deal.]

It turns out, this Count fellow had been bargaining with the Constellation!

Just like Crusader received skills from the Snake God, the Count obtained her skills from the Merchant God.

And it so happens that this Merchant God, ruling over the 72nd floor, the Golden Heaven, is the Constellation known as ‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin.’

‘Well, that makes sense.’

I easily accepted this.

The skills possessed by the Count and the laws of the Golden Heaven had too many similarities to be a coincidence.

‘The Count can almost summon any item through bargaining with skills. The price is up to the trader. Moreover, when she purchased the [World Peace] item, a message saying [The world was originally peaceful!] popped up…’

In short, skills that infuriate the Count.

The Count is greatly dissatisfied, and conversely, the Merchant God is pleased. Doesn’t this scenario seem familiar? Teasing and infuriating like this is actually the essence of the skill.

In other words.

“……It seems like the Count has a lot of anger accumulated towards you.”

[‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin’ pleads for you to somehow do something!]

The Count has been using the Merchant God’s skills for a long, very long time.

She must have been ridiculed and provoked to no end.

Just like when I arrived at the port city of Levante and was humiliated, no. She must have been enduring similar mistreatment for years.

In essence, the Count’s current psychological state was not ‘Oh, I am so grateful to whoever you are for bestowing such skills upon me.’ Far from it, actually.

Instead, it was closer to ‘I didn’t know where you lived until now, but finding out has been great!’

In simple terms, she had finally met her sworn enemy!

[‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin’ cries, saying the judge is intent on extracting every last drop of broth from its bones.]

Of course, the Count had no intention of letting such an opportunity slip away.

First, the Count looked for a way to contact the Merchant God. Thanks to her skills, she could purchase anything she wanted. Upon searching, she found an item in the product list named [Phone Call with the Merchant God].

Bingo.

There were an almost infinite number of items, so without the search function, it would have been impossible to find.

Oh, and for your information, [Product Search] is also a paid item. It’s a subscription-based must-have item. You can guess what kind of rip-offs the Count has been subjected to over the years.

『Greetings.』

The Count made the call after spending a considerable amount.

『Yes, this is the Smiling Cat’s Shop, ready to shove a gold coin into your mouth. Who might this be?』

『I am a merchant called the Count from the Lion World. I’ve risen to success from a young age with a skill I obtained, but now it seems like you are the creator of this skill.』

The Count guessed the situation the moment she was summoned as a judge. And at the very moment of my foolishness, she understood everything. Her skill, the laws of the Golden Heaven, the similarities between them, etc.

And so, she realized that her skill originated from the master of the Golden Heaven.

『Is that so? What is the name of the skill?』

『It’s called Cat’s Everything Shop.』

『Ah, right. That’s a skill we created and distributed.』

Her realization was correct.

『The customer who has called us now is… Oh my, look at the points accumulated! You’re an incredibly valued customer. You’ve always used the services of the Smiling Cat’s Shop. Are you calling to express your gratitude for our service?』

『Oh. Of course. I feel tremendous gratitude towards you.』

『No need to mention it! By the way, the phone call item you are currently using is charged by the minute. The first minute is free. After that, a separate call charge applies per minute. Please understand.』

The Count warned leisurely.

『The Death King has gone to the world you rule.』

『What?』

『I am the judge determining whether the Death King passes or fails. In other words, whether Death King stays forever wandering in your world or not is entirely up to me.』

『Excuse me, but could you please clarify……』

『Oh, don’t worry. You’ll understand soon.』

Click.

The Count ended the call without a hint of hesitation.

At this point, I was wandering the alleys. Darkly. Writhing in desperate hunger. Soon, I entered an antique shop and did what I could.

The Count was lying on a sofa, munching on potato chips. Around that time, a phone appeared out of nowhere and rang, Tring!

『It’s the Count.』

『Yes, customer. We have verified the information you provided, and we are truly grateful that you informed us in advance before we contacted you.』

『Well, I paid for it.』

『Ah, customer. We have decided to refund the cost incurred for purchasing the phone call item. We will also cover any additional charges. We sincerely apologize for not providing preemptive consideration.』

In a short time, the Merchant God’s tone became considerably more polite.

『So, as I was saying, I presume the reason you called is because you wish to negotiate about the Death King’s stage clearance, right?』

『It’s good that we’re moving quickly.』

『What would you like in return?』

『It’s getting faster, but it’s still not the tempo I want.』

『What?』

『Let’s talk again later.』

The Count ended the call.

At this point, I was engulfing the antique shop and sweeping through the streets. My elegant demeanor was akin to the Pied Piper leading a horde of tiny mice, marching triumphantly.

The difference from the Pied Piper was that these mice were fighting amongst themselves, and instead of jumping into a river, they were requesting knock-out punches from each other. And this knock-out punch quickly became a trend spreading rapidly across the city.

Tring!

『Count speaking.』

『If you have been upset or if we have inadvertently been rude during your use of our shop, I sincerely apologize, customer.』

The representative’s voice was urgent.

『We are currently trying to find the responsible person as quickly as possible. The staff member in charge of your case will be immediately reassigned, and if there’s anything else you desire, we will fulfill it right away.』

『That’s fine. Truly quick action.』

Potato chips crumbled sweetly in the Count’s mouth.

『But it’s still not at my tempo.』

Click.

The trend of ‘knock-out punches’ that began to spread throughout the city reached its climax at the mayor’s residence. The guards protecting the residence caused chaos among themselves after it was exposed that they were stealing from their own king, and the mayor, rushing out in a hurry to see what was happening, was smacked on the back of the head by his partner. Out of respect for the mayor couple’s honor, I will not disclose what secret I revealed.

Tring!!

The phone rang frantically.

『It’s the Count speaking.』

『We were wrong. We apologize. Please forgive us!』

『Now we’re getting somewhere.』

『Right now, every single one of us at the shop is bowing our heads! I am calling you while prostrating, customer! If you doubt us, we will immediately connect a video call!』

Without anyone asking for it, the phone call was upgraded to a video call. In the hologram that appeared before the Count’s eyes, indeed, dozens… no, dozens of cats were actually prostrating themselves.

Indeed, even the Count was left speechless for 0.5 seconds by this cute yet horrifying scene.

Yes. The Merchant God was indeed a cat. Not just one cat but dozens! Dozens of cats running a shop was precisely the “Smiling Cat’s Shop,” and they were ‘The Cat that Bit a Gold Coin.’

However, the Count was not generous enough to forget what these cute appearances had done just because of their looks. The life she had been subjected to by this skill was too much like 99.9% cocoa chocolate.

『A spectacular sight. A true spectacle. Do keep your heads down.』

『Nya! Nya! Nya!』

『By now, you must have realized that this friend is crazy. If ‘dog’ means ‘more’ and ‘pair’ means ‘even more,’ it’s fair to call him a double crazy dog. You should know that whether this double crazy dog will be released into the Golden Heaven forever or not depends on my mood.』

At this timing, the mayor and all residents of the port city were bowing their heads in the square. The cats were prostrating themselves. It was indeed a beautiful sight that everyone, regardless of divine or mortal status, was bowing their heads.

『I assure you, if this friend roams your world for just a fortnight, you really wouldn’t want to know what kind of situations will arise. But I do want to know.』

『Nya…! Nya…! Please, customer, mercy!!』

『First, record and videotape this entire conversation and show it to the Death King. As the saying goes, my own disgrace is to be hidden, and others’ humiliation is to be spread far and wide, to all four corners of the earth, through all five oceans and six continents, inside and outside of our universe, across the multiverse. I wish to share this joy and sorrow with a friend.』

And thus, I ended up watching the conversation that took place in my absence through a 2160p ultra-high-definition hologram video. This, too, was part of the entire series of events.

『My condition is simple. Kneel. Prostrate. If you’re already prostrating, then prostrate some more. By swearing eternal loyalty to me, be prepared to endure eternal submission.』

『Nya, nya… That is… even so…』

『Of course, I understand your position. The spirit that even if one’s teeth are broken, the gums still remain is truly the essence of human tenacity. Thus, I am willing to wait leisurely until your gums wear away completely.』

Across the hologram, the Count sucked on her finger, savoring the sweet and salty taste of potato chip crumbs.

『Death King. Sorry, but I must cancel the promise of acknowledging your clearance the moment you went there.』

The Count looked directly ahead, towards the direction I was standing, with a smile more cat-like than the cats themselves.

『Not just for my personal greed but for the benefit of the entire tower, I hope you understand the decision I’ve made. I believe there’s no need to explicitly explain the benefits our tower will gain by subjugating the ‘Smiling Cat’s Shop.’』

Oh dear.

『You might want to just cause some trouble and feel refreshed, but I see things a bit differently. I want to give a thorough lesson this time. Of course, as my friend, I trust you’ll show deep interest and affection for my personal vendetta as well. Well, honestly, it doesn’t matter if you have no interest or affection. After all, who else but me will decide whether you rot there forever? If you don’t want to rot, cooperate.』

This cat…

『If you’re going to cooperate anyway, might as well do it enthusiastically. Isn’t that your specialty? I’ve seen the crazy things you’ve done in the port city. But I’m confident that your craziness can cross rivers and oceans, making its mark on the world. I hope you continue doing what you’ve been doing until I achieve a ‘satisfactory negotiation.’』

In the hologram beyond the hologram, the cats were prostrating themselves. The colorful cats trembled in fear.

『Didn’t I say? You’re a good friend.』

The Count smiled nonchalantly.

『Let’s work to ensure that our friendship becomes a model of excellence, passed down through history for half a millennium.』

The cats wailed, “Nyaaaag,” in despair.

*****