NovelOnlineChapter 172
Don't Want to Be Alone
I'm chewing on my bottom lip as | watch the lights and street signs pass overhead.
The ride is quiet, so quiet that | can hear my own breathing,
Every tick of the turn signal, every shuffle of clothing grates against my ears like it's too loud. Zaid's hands have
a tight hold on the wheel. | watch at his knuckles turn white, watch the way his jaw flexes every twe hit a red
light.
The tension increases with every second, and he clears his throat before he finally speaks.
"Jace finally has a girlfriend," he says out of nowhere. His voice scratchy, rough like he hasn't used it in days.
1 blink, startled, and turn to look at him.
Jace?
We've never talked about Jace. | mean, | know who he is. I've met him and talke to him before. But why is he
bringing him up now?
| have to hold in my laugh, stop myself from asking him why we're talking about Jace. | give him something
because | can tell he's grasping for normal. For small talk that doesn't exist right now.
"Oh, yeah? That's good for him, | guess."
Zaid nods, once and sharp. His leg bounces a little, the only sign of his fraying patience, his nerves. "Yeah."
It's all he says. | don't think he knows what he's saying at this point.
| almost laugh. Almost.
The comment is so far out of left field, | can't believe he's trying this hard to just talk to
1. me.
We fall quiet again; it makespress my hand to my stomach, even though I already feel sick enough. I focus
on breathing. Zaid keeps driving, but the closer we get, the more rigid
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Don't Want to Be Alone
he becomes. By the twe pull into the parking lot, he's vibrating.
it fear? Anger? Anxiety?
He parks the car with a sharp twist of his wrist, shoves it into park harder than he needs to. He exhales through
his nose, fast and harsh, like he's fighting himself.
| reach out without thinking, placing my hand on his thigh. He stiffens immediately.
| leave my hand there, trying to be gentle.
"Would you mind waiting in the lobby for me?" | ask quietly.
| think it might help him a little, but he doesn't anser.
"It would makefeel better knowing you're close."
He turns tothen, and there's something stricken in his eyes. Something hollow and aching. But after a long
second, he nods.
"Yeah, | can do that," he says roughly.
We get out of the car together, and | feel him behind me, breathing heavy. In and out. His hand finds mine as we
walk toward the building, his fingers sliding between mine without asking. His grip is warm and strong, and |
don't pull away. | hold on tighter.
Inside, | check in at the front desk, filling out the forms with shaking hands. Zaid hovers just a few feet away. His
eyes stay on me, even when | sit down again. They call my nsooner than | expect, and the knot in my
stomach pulls tighter.
| glance at him one last time, but he stays seated, his elbows braced on his knees as he
rocks back and forth.
It's a terrible sight foras | walk into the back. The exam room is cold, but the OBGYN is nice enough. | get
checked out. They askquestions. Take samples. And then they tellthe news | was waiting to hear.
Not pregnant.
The words are a relief.
They tellsomething else.
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And those words are a weight.
I nod along, but everything is starting to blur, my heartbeat racing ahead of me.
By the t| walk back out to the lobby, my vision has turned hazy around the edges. | take two steps before my
knees buckle. Zaid is there in an instant, his arms catching me, steadying me.
"Love." His voice cuts through the noise in my head, but it's muted, like he's speaking underwater. "Are you
okay?"
| only shake my head.
He walksto the car, his hand tight around my waist, and he's the only thing keeping
Once we're inside, once the door shuts and the quiet swallows us, | close my eyes and breathe. | focus on that.
In. Out. Until my pulse slows enough that | can find words again.
"I'm not pregnant,” | tell him, my voice hoarse.
For a second, nothing happens. Then he lets out a slow breath and reaches for me, his hand finding the back of
my neck as he pullstoward him. His lips press to the crown
of my head.
We sit like that for a while.
No words.
Just breathing.
until he finally starts the car, and we drive htogether in silence.
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Once we get home, I'm relieved to find it empty. I'm not entirely sure that | can face Jake or Aiden right now. We
head upstairs and | start to walk toward my room, but Zaid pulls on my arm, walkingtoward his room.
I'm about to protest, but he beatsto it.
"We don't have to talk, but | don't want you to be alone right now."
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Don't Want to Be Alone
My heart lurches.
His thumb brushes circles on my palm. "And | don't think | can be alone either."
| fall into him, letting him carryinto his room where we lay together on his bed.
| cry, letting the tears fall, letting the tension, the sorrow, guilt and relief rush throughlike waves of chaotic
emotions.
It's hard to explain. I'm young. | don't want to be pregnant, but | had an entire week to imagine a life where |
was.
And then to hear the words.
"You are not pregnant, but | want to walk you through what we found, okay?"
| shut my eyes as the memories bombard me.
"Based on your history and what you shared about your hpregnancy test, along with the hormone levels we
measured today, it's very likely that you were pregnant recently. Very early
on."
I curl into Zaid's side.
"It's something called a chemical pregnancy."
| blacked out the rest of the conversation. | don't remember it and part ofis glad
about that.
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