NovelOnlineChapter 174
I Need Them
| need to get out of the house.
The walls of my room have been starting to suffocateand my head hurts from all the crying. Everything is
closing in and | know I'm letting my thoughts go just a little too
crazy.
| can't sort through them.
| make up my mind to go bother Nikki. She'll listen without judgingand | think | need her overpowering
personality right about now.
| text her before | even put my shoes on.
A: Coming over. Need sNikki therapy.
Her response is immediate.
N: Door's open. I'll be waiting. <3
By the t| get to her house, she's already in the kitchen, digging through the cabinets. She barely glances at
"Something tellswe're going to need this. Wait, you're not pregnant, right? You've been ignoring my
messages."
| roll my eyes. "You mean the ones were you just sendthe pregnant emoji with a question mark?"
She shrugs. "I didn't think | needed to spell it out for you."
| drop onto a stool at the kitchen island, exhaling sharply. “I'm not pregnant.”
Nikki freezes, then slowly turns to face me. Her lips part like she wants to say something, but then she just sighs,
a deep sigh of relief: "Holy shit."
| let out a breath of my own as she twists the cap off the bottle and pours two shots. She slides one toward me
before raising hers.
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"To not being pregnant."
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I Need Them
"To not being pregnant," | echo, and we both throw them back.
The alcohol burns its way down, but | barely feel it. My mind is still too full.
| don't even have to say anything before Nikki is studying me, her eyes narrowing.
"Okay, what else? Because that's not all that's eating you up."
| stare at my shot glass, running my finger around the rim. "It's Zaid."
Her brows shoot up. "Of course it is."
| sigh and then just let it all spill out. The way he toldhe loves me. The way it hitlike a freight train. How |
don't know what to do with it, how it's all messed up because of everything he's done right and everything he's
done wrong. The way he looked atwhen | threw his words back in his face.
By the t| finish, Nikki's jaw is hanging open.
"Alina," she breathes, shaking her head.
| press my lips together.
"I'm so sorry."
| let out a steady stream of air and reach for the bottle, ditching the shot glass and
just taking a long gulp from the bottle.
She watches me, tilting her head. "You love him back."
| hiss, grimacing from the burn down my throat. | fucking hate vodka. "Yes."
Silence fills the room, and she plays with the glass in her hands before she looks
right at me. "Do you love Jake and Aiden like that too?"
| blink, my heart aching in my chest at the thought. "I don't know."
She purses her lips. "I think that means you don't."
"No, that doesn;t feel right. It's different. | love Zaid, but Jake and Aiden feel as much a
part of me. Like losing them would destroy me, too. But losing Zaid..."
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I Need Them
She letsgather my thoughts, taking a sip from the bottle herself.
"It would be like losing my own self."
Fuck, is it the alcohol makingso damn honest?
"Shit, that's a lot, girl. How do you think they would all feel about that?"
| shrug. "Do | have to tell them?"
Her eyes widen. "Don't you want to tell Zaid you love him?"
"| think | want to tell them all. | love them all. Ziad is just different. He seeswhen | feel like no one else does.
And it infuriatesthat he finds it so easy to just brushoff sometimes. Is it possible for someone to love you
and then treat you like they don't all at
the stime?"
Nikki grimaces. "I would hope not."
| groan, dropping my head onto the counter. "Why is this so complicated?"
She chuckles. "Because you're dating three guys. You need to talk to them, though."
"I know. I'm avoiding it because I'm scared. If I'm too honest, won't it hurt them? | don't want to let go of Jake
and Aiden."
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Her brow furrows, and she takes another sip from the bottle before setting it down. "Why?"
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| press my hands to my face before looking at her. "Because | need them."
She blinks, waiting forto go on, and suddenly, the words are spilling out like I've been holding them back for
too long.
“Zaid and me, | don't know how to explain it, but being with him is terrifying. It's like standing on the edge of a
cliff. It's raw, and real, and | feel it in my bones. He knows the deepest and darkest emotions | feel because he
feels them, too. We have the ssoul."
She smiles at that.
"But Jake and Aiden? They're safety. They're warmth. They holdand | forget all the
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I Need The
shitty things in my life. | feel like | need them."
Her expression softens, but she doesn't letoff the hook. "So, you feel like you need them, but you don't love
them?"
It's so hard to explain what I'm thinking. "I do. | do love them, but it's different. What | feel for Jake and Aiden is
real. | don't think | could be here, where | am without them. But Zaid? He's the one | can't breathe without. At
least it feels that way."
"What do you mean?"
"Jake is married to my mother. Aiden is probably going to go away and play basketball for samazing school.
| have thought of the possibilities, of a future where | might not be with them. It's sad, it makescry. It hurts."
She catches my drift, her eyes takingin. "And when you think about a future without Zaid?"
| shake my head to stop my tears from falling. "I can't."
She breathes in. "You need to talk to them. Your future is important and | hate watching you question yourself
like this."
| let out a sigh, feeling the weight of her words settle over me. She's right. Of course she's
right.
| just wish she wasn't.
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